School, oh school...

I'm glad it's Friday already. School was somehow interesting. Brendan wasn't at school but I didn't mind, although I was really looking forward to seeing him. During Science class, I fell asleep. Avni tried to wake me up but I just ignored her. Later on, I felt a book hit my head and people laughing. I ignored them and continued with my sleep. They tried different ways to wake me up but none worked until our teacher approached me and forced me to wake up. I didn't really want to wake up, but I had no choice. During lunch, Ben tried to lift me up and when he did, I accidentally kicked Steven's thighs. Moments after, He and Savan tried to lift me up again to try and put me in the bin. To be honest, our bins in school are somehow large and being small, I could have easily fit inside the bin. Good thing my friends were there, I clung to them like my life depended on it. It was funny though.

Anyway, we received our subject selection sheet today too. Written there are the subjects that we can choose to take up next year. There are limited courses in each gridline and it's pretty difficult to choose, especially if two of the courses you want to do are in the same gridline, or if there are no interesting courses in that gridline. It's really hard because we can only choose one and on gridline 6, the courses are pretty lame. Here's how the gridlines look like:

GRIDLINE 1

English 1C/1D

English 1A/1B

English 2A/2B

The course in bold is the one I've chosen to take up next year. The difference between those 3 courses is the level of difficulty and the pathway it's headed to. The ones that have 1 on them are non-TEE (Tertiary Entrance Exam) courses (courses that allow you to take the TEE for eligibility to university). So that means that the courses that have 2 or 3 on them are TEE courses. English 2A/2B is the highest level of English for year 11. If someone chooses 1C/1D as their course for year 11, on year 12 they can do 2A/2B which is a TEE course but it doesn't give you as much points for the TER (Tertiary Entrance Rank) unlike when you take 2A/2B for year 11 and then 2C/2D for year 12. I am sure you don't really get it but it doesn't matter. If you have questions, just tell me. Anyway, the reason why we have such courses is because in year 11 and 12, you can either study full-time in school (if you are aiming to go to university or TAFE) or do EA or VET, which is Enterprise Access or Vocational Education and Training wherein it's a program that combines traditional education with workplace learning. EA leads you to TAFE only, or perhaps some other colleges too.

Anyway, moving on to the courses that I've chosen, here are the rest:

GRIDLINE 2

Mathematics 3A/3B

Mathematics 2A/2B

Mathematics 1B/1C

Mathematics 1D/1E

Applied Info Technology

GRIDLINE 3

Geography 1A/1B

Physics 2A/2B

Applied Info Technology 2A/2B

Dance 2A/2B

Phys Ed Studies 1A/1B

GRIDLINE 4

Human Biology 2A/2B

Human Biology 1A/1B

Mathemtics 3A/3B MAS

Business Management & Enterprise 1A/1B

Media Production & Analysis 2A/2B

GRIDLINE 5

Modern History 1A/1B

Modern History 2A/2B

Economics 1A/1B

Economics 2A/2B

Italian 2A/2B

Visual Arts 1A/1B

Living Independently 1A/1B

Outdoor Education 1A/1B

GRIDLINE 6

Chemistry 2A/2B

Caring For Others 1A/1B

Drama 1A/1B

Drama 2A/2B

Visual Arts 1C/1D

Career & Enterprise 1A/1B

Integrated Science 1A/1B

I don't know what to choose for gridline 6 yet. I'm thinking of doing either caring for others or visual arts. I am not going to choose chemistry. First of all, I don't like it and second, it has nothing to do with the course that I plan to take up once I got to university. As you can see, we have the choice of whether to do Mathematics (Trigonometry, Geomtery, Algebra, etc.) and Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Integrated Science) for the next two years. The school focuses more on the subjects that the student really needs for their future career. I must say, I like their system, at least I'm not forced to subjects that will have no use for me in the future.

To make you understand my course choices more clearly, the course I want to do when I go to university is Bachelor of Arts, Major in Political Science and International Relations. It depends though, because in UWA (University of Western Australia) that's what the course is called. In Curtin University, it's a Bachelor of Humanities. I guess it depends on which university I go to, but it's still the same course. Anyway, I've said quite a lot and I don't think anybody will bother to read until this part. If you do have questions though, don't hesitate to ask me.

***

           I turned away from his gaze. Tears started to form in my eyes, making my vision blurry. I am lucky it was raining or else I would have looked like I was going to produce a flood. What started out as a nice walk in the woods turned out to be the what seemed the worst day of my life. The rain poured endlessly. I looked up at the dull sky painted in different shades of gray. Lightning struck to the point it could have included seizures and thunder was on a screaming rampage as if God Himself had fallen too. After that, an eerie silence enveloped us. There was no other sound to be heard except for the pitter patter of the rain. He stopped looking at me and started to head towards the stream. I followed him hesitantly, keeping my eyes on the ground. I stood next to him, and as I sneaked a glance, I noticed how the shadow caused by the umbrella made him look like a stranger before my eyes. He's never been this quiet before. It seems he's in deep thought. I saw his grip on the umbrella tighten and my heart started to beat faster. I took advantage of the silence and reminisced about how we first met.

           I met Lucas a year ago in a book store. I was asking a store clerk where I could find a copy of Jane Austen's “Persuasion”. She led me to the back of the store where the fiction section was located and told me to search there. I browsed at the range of books, carefully reading each title, making sure I did not miss anything. As my eyes fluttered from one book to another, there it was, tightly squeezed between two other thick books, right before my very eyes. I smiled to myself and reached for the book, but at the same time, another hand reached for it too. I looked at the person to whom the hands belonged to and I was met by the most gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen.

           “Excuse me, do you need this book?” The man with deep blue eyes said.

           “Ah, yes...but do you need it too?” I told him as I tried hard for my voice not to tremble.

           “Well, not me, but my sister does...” He said as he suddenly looked at our hands, still touching. He moved his hand away from mine and gave a shy smile.

           “I...I'm sorry. I guess you can have it if your sister really needs it.” I told him as I caressed my hand, trying to have his touch linger on a bit longer.

           “Thanks.” He mumbled, his cheeks showing a hint of blush. “By the way, you look lovely. Your dress compliments your eyes.”

           My heart skipped a beat upon hearing what he had said. He gave me a big smile before he turned away and headed towards the counter. I watched him gracefully walk away and wondered if I will ever see him again. As soon as he was out of sight, I headed towards the exit with a big smile plastered on my face. I had never met a man quite as handsome as him and I cannot get him out of my mind. I let the warm summer breeze tickle my face and blow my hair. It was a lovely summer day. The sun was shining bright and when I thought things could not get any better, a familiar sensation touched my shoulder. I turned around to look at who it was, flashing me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

           “I'm sorry if I surprised you,” He said while panting heavily. “But I just can't seem to let you go without knowing your name.”

           “Oh.” I said, quite surprised at what he had said. “I'm Amy. Amy McAdams.”

           “It's nice to meet you, Amy McAdams.” He said, repeating my name in a sing-song fashion. “I'm Lucas George.” He gave me another bright smile and we laughed, realising how our meeting seemed like a scene from a broadway movie.

           I still remember the way I felt when I first met him. It was the happiest day of my life, and truth be told, it still is. Although things have changed now and he was not the person I knew before, I still won't change anything that has happened. I smiled a bit to myself, remembering that day over and over again, but my mind went back to reality when he finally spoke.

           “Tell me you are just kidding.” He said to me. “Tell me this is some sort of joke and we'll have a good laugh afterwards.” I desperately wanted to tell him that it was indeed a joke, but I could not. Tears started to form again in my eyes, and as I blinked, I felt its hot sensation streaming down my face.

           “I showed you the result, how can I be faking something as serious as this?” I told him.

           “I'm serious Amy.” He said to me, anger present in his voice. “God knows what you have done! You could have gone up to a random pregnant woman and begged her to take the test for you!” As soon as I heard what he just said, I was filled with fury. I tried my best to calm myself down and by the time I spoke, I was crying and gasping for breath.

           “Right Lucas! As if I would go to a random woman and say, 'Oh please, pee in my pregnancy test! I want to pretend that I'm pregnant too so I can fool my boyfriend.' You know me too well to even think of such a thing! I don't know how you can be so insensitive about this! I coped all alone with the morning sickness and the harsh words my parents spat at me. I called you one too many times but you never answered! It's as if you're avoiding me Lucas...it's as if you knew this would happen...” I sobbed uncontrollably. I hugged myself and tried hard to breathe. Lucas put his hand on my shoulder but removed it immediately. He stood there, and watched me cry. He didn't even bother to comfort me. As I slowly regained my composure again, I looked at the stream. I looked at the water as it pounded onto some rocks, and marvelled at the crystal clear water flowing gently. I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away. He broke the silence by clearing his throat.

           “Get an abortion. It's either that or we're over.” He said coldly. “I don't want to be burdened with a child. I'm too young, I have bigger plans.” Right at that moment, I wanted to punch him in the face and kill him. It's not like I wanted for this to happen, I never wanted to get pregnant.

           “What about me? I have bigger plans too Lucas! I'm only 18, I want to go to college, graduate and get a good job. I don't want to be burdened with a child too, but I don't want to kill a living thing either! I don't have the heart to do it. This is harder for me, you have to understand that I cannot do it alone. I never wanted to get pregnant in the first place and truth be told, it's all your fault! If you did not force me that night, then things would have not turned out this way. I gave up my virginity just to prove to you how much I love you, and now that you got what you want, you're leaving me? I cannot believe you. I never thought you can be so selfish Lucas. You're horrible!” I shouted at him. I couldn't handle it anymore. It was too much for me to bear. As much as I want to cry, no more tears are coming out of my eyes. I'm mad and hurt that he wants me to get an abortion, but I feel numb at the same time. It's like my heart instinctively tried to block out the emotions, making me feel just sore and empty.

           “I'm sorry Amy, but I can't do this either. This conversation is going nowhere. You'll just have to deal with it all alone.” He told me and turned to walk away. I looked at him as he walked off, just like the day I first met him. Before, I was wondering if I will ever see him again, but now, I am pretty sure that I never will. It's not that I know he'll never come back, but it's because I finally decided to erase him from my life. I stared at him, at his lovely silhouette, and watched him fade off into the distance. As soon as he was out of sight, I turned around and faced the stream once more. I took a pebble and swiftly tossed it into the water. I looked at the ripples the pebble created and put my hand to my heart. What am I going to do now? I walked slowly to the direction of my house, ignoring every single thing around me. My mind was wandering off to another dimension and my senses seemed to block everything else. As soon as I got home, I was soaking wet. I went inside and went straight to my room. I laid down in my bed and stared at the ceiling. I didn't even bother drying myself. I just stayed there, lost in my own self and prepared myself for all the sleepless nights I have yet to face.

***

           I silently looked at the grave in front of me. I read the name carefully engraved in the marble...”Luke M. George.” As much as I did not want to have him, I never wished for things to end this way. I was too depressed and withdrawn, that not once after what had happened did I think about the baby. If only I can turn back time, I will surely change everything that has happened, but I cannot do anything about it now. What's done is done. I silently shed a few tears and thought of how my life could have been if this never happened. The wind blew my hair and tickled my face. I inhaled the sweet smell of the flowers that bloomed in the distance. I watched the green grass on the field sway as if they were dancing to the quiet rhythm of the wind. I stared off into the distance, eyeing the distant horizon while thinking that things will never be the same again.